Who doesn’t love a good, hot, buttered crumpet?
I’m talking about the snacks, you naughty things.
English crumpets are irresistible at any time of the day. They’re great smeared with Marmite for breakfast, topped with fried, scrambled or poached eggs for lunch, or served with a little honey or jam for afternoon tea. They’re one of those foods that are like a great big culinary hug; especially good for a grey, drizzly day.
Crumpets are similar to pancakes but more like a bread – they’re made with yeast – and they have a sponge-like texture with deep holes in the top; perfect for soaking up delicious butter as it melts into them.
But back to the innuendoes. I could forgive you for thinking bad thoughts when you read the first sentence of this post, crumpets are, after all, just full of smutty and comic possibilities. Just think of their hot, rough tops slathered in melting butter that oozes over your lips and dribbles down your chin as you bite into them. OK, I’m sorry, I’ll stop. But just to prove my point I asked my friends on Twitter to give me their best ‘food porn’ words about crumpets and told them to do their worst. And my goodness, did they! Many were unprintable, but here are the rest (bordering on ok!):
@direbonappetit unctious, drizzling, hot butter
@france_normandy Moist and ready buttered.
@glamah Cant resist… There once a Strumpet that loved Crumpets. The holes filled with butter, made her heart all aflutter
@johnonfood fulsome and unctuous
@MoreMangetout how about some softly yeilding flesh? Or warm butter dribbling down chins? Now I want some crumpets!
@goingwithmygut I trumpet that a hot oily salty crumpet could turn me strumpet (how’s that for abysmal poetry)
@ginandcrumpets Crumpets are a bread sieve for butter, which fortunately does not sieve that well. So more of a butter sponge really.
@MaisonCupcake Poke ’em with your toasting fork!
@josordoni Ooh Matron your holes are all buttery…
@goingwithmygut There once was a young lady food strumpet // Who from restos and kitchens would trumpet // Said a hater “she’s a ‘ho”… Said a fan “Oh I dunno…” // “I think she’s quite a thinking man’s crumpet”
@johnonfood squelchy
@meemalee Big, oozing holes.
@suzler Haha! Hot buttered buns to sink your teeth into …
@Farctum spreadable, juicy, just waiting for the application of a little honey (ooo er missus did I really just tweet that?)
@oliverthring Rumpy-pumpy with my crumpy.
@suzler Ooh, smearing butter into every nook so it’ll dribble out all over your fingers with the first bite.
I dread to think what you didn't print! Buttery holes indeed!
You have Twitter friends with good imaginations (or sick minds – I'm not sure which). Either way, these crumpets look absolutely delectable and worthy of a limerick or two.
I just realized that you didn't post a recipe. Will you share?
Ha! I reckon half of them were on the booze when they came up with those ditties last night!
I cheated with these and bought them, so sorry, no recipe to share!
Well, now is one of those moments that I'll have to google a Julia's word as I'm completely missing the funny of the word… I feel in danger after reading her tweets ahahahahah.
Trumpets – THESE – look wonderful. shhhhh I think I would go for the honey and cinnamon version but not before I check what might be dished my way AHAHAHAHA 🙂
Thank you for sharing, Julia :thumbsup:
Now I am hungry. And only crumpet will do. How very dare you.
Haha, Teresa it's good old British slap stick humour.
Vic – I'm very sorry, lol!
This takes crumpets to a whole new level:D I always have a stack of crumpets ready in the freezer.
I love your post! But can you also post how to do that? (the proper steps):) Thanks
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Burn Belly Fat
Any of the 'poems' that rhyme crumpet with strumpet get my vote!
Love the orange yolk…and I hear crumpets. I often buy some when I'm in the UK and bring back to the Netherlands….but haven't done so for ages!
She writes and about yummy cherry pies,
Smiles and flashes sparkling eyes,
But rest assured she is no strumpet,
It's Julia – the food lovers crumpet.
Haha, very good John.