Who doesn’t love a good, hot, buttered crumpet?
I’m talking about the snacks, you naughty things.
English crumpets are irresistible at any time of the day. They’re great smeared with Marmite for breakfast, topped with fried, scrambled or poached eggs for lunch, or served with a little honey or jam for afternoon tea. They’re one of those foods that are like a great big culinary hug; especially good for a grey, drizzly day.
Crumpets are similar to pancakes but more like a bread – they’re made with yeast – and they have a sponge-like texture with deep holes in the top; perfect for soaking up delicious butter as it melts into them.
But back to the innuendoes. I could forgive you for thinking bad thoughts when you read the first sentence of this post, crumpets are, after all, just full of smutty and comic possibilities. Just think of their hot, rough tops slathered in melting butter that oozes over your lips and dribbles down your chin as you bite into them. OK, I’m sorry, I’ll stop. But just to prove my point I asked my friends on Twitter to give me their best ‘food porn’ words about crumpets and told them to do their worst. And my goodness, did they! Many were unprintable, but here are the rest (bordering on ok!):
@direbonappetit unctious, drizzling, hot butter
@france_normandy Moist and ready buttered.
@glamah Cant resist… There once a Strumpet that loved Crumpets. The holes filled with butter, made her heart all aflutter
@johnonfood fulsome and unctuous
@MoreMangetout how about some softly yeilding flesh? Or warm butter dribbling down chins? Now I want some crumpets!
@goingwithmygut I trumpet that a hot oily salty crumpet could turn me strumpet (how’s that for abysmal poetry)
@ginandcrumpets Crumpets are a bread sieve for butter, which fortunately does not sieve that well. So more of a butter sponge really.
@MaisonCupcake Poke ’em with your toasting fork!
@josordoni Ooh Matron your holes are all buttery…
@goingwithmygut There once was a young lady food strumpet // Who from restos and kitchens would trumpet // Said a hater “she’s a ‘ho”… Said a fan “Oh I dunno…” // “I think she’s quite a thinking man’s crumpet”
@meemalee Big, oozing holes.
@suzler Haha! Hot buttered buns to sink your teeth into …
@Farctum spreadable, juicy, just waiting for the application of a little honey (ooo er missus did I really just tweet that?)
@oliverthring Rumpy-pumpy with my crumpy.
@suzler Ooh, smearing butter into every nook so it’ll dribble out all over your fingers with the first bite.